MAGA: I have locked us all in this room and nobody can leave unless you let me drown this baby.
DEMS: Obviously no what the fuck
MAGA: Okay then I guess it's your fault we're locked in then.
DEMS: You're the one who locked the door.
MAGA: Yeah but you won't let us drown this baby tho so this is entirely your fault.
DEMS: You literally have all the power. You have all the keys.
MAGA: C'mon man just let us drown this baby we really really wanna! And then we can all go home for Christmas!
DEMS: Wait... What's that smell? Smells like... smoke?
MAGA: Oh yeah the house is on fire. Probably should've mentioned that.
DEMS: ON FIRE?? JESUS CHRIST WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!!
MAGA: Yeah I know man, too bad you won't just let us drown this baby. Looks like we're all going to burn instead.
DEMS: Look just give me the baby and unlock the door. We still have time to get out of here alright!
MAGA: *sigh* no can do, buckaroo. See, this baby? It's gotta get drowned first, one way or another.
DEMS: BUT WHY THOUGH
MAGA: Yanno...just seems like the right thing to do. Sort of like that time I set the house on fire.
DEMS: You're fucking insane.
MAGA: Oh real mature, asshole. Calling us names at a time like this with the house on fire, and this baby STILL not drowned.
DEMS: Oh shit I just remembered, the fire extinguisher! Remember that fire extinguisher I bought us a few years ago? Do we still have that?
MAGA: Oh this? Yep still got it. It's awesome by the way.
DEMS: Oh thank Christ we're saved!
MAGA: But obviously we can't use it.
DEMS: WHY THE FUCK NOT
MAGA: Because it's for EMERGENCIES you dummy. Jeez Louise do I have to do all the thinking around here?
DEMS: THIS IS A FUCKING EMERGENCY YOU DILDO
MAGA: You're always so emotional. That's why nobody likes you.
DEMS: If. You. Use. The. Fire. Extinguisher. Nobody. Dies. And. Everyone. Can. Leave.
MAGA: Or you could just let me drown this baby.
DEMS: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
MAGA: Okay look we'll take a vote on it. All in favor of letting us drown this baby?
DEMS: NO!
8 DEMS: maybe
DEMS: what the fuck was that?
8 DEMS: let's at least hear him out.
DEMS: Yes let's hear out the psychopath who set the house on fire and wants to drown a baby. Great idea.
MAGA: Ok ok look I can see we're close to agreement here, so
DEMS: The fuck we are.
MAGA: So... I propose a compromise. I'll unlock the door and stop setting any more fires, and we can figure out whether to drown this baby *later*.
DEMS: Absolutely the fuck no.
8 DEMS: how much later.
MAGA: idk maybe tomorrow or next week or something?
DEMS: You know you can't trust them, right? Tell me you know you can't trust them.
MAGA: Depends on how quickly I can gather some more kindling and matches.
DEMS: What the fuck was that?
MAGA: Nothing. You're hearing things. So do we have a deal?
DEMS: NO
8 DEMS: yes
MAGA: Great! Let me just drown this baby real quick and we can all get out of here!