Once again through some incredible thinking what I done, I hath invented something amazing. Was wondering what a guy I went to school with was upto today because I randomly remembered it was his birthday. I thought.... Wouldn't it be good if there was a sort of online database we could all access and write little things about our lives to let people know what we're upto and see what people we know are upto. Even check in with people we haven't seen in a while.

Just invented Facebook.

And stalking.

I've said it before a thousand times - someone needs to pay me a million pounds a year to just sit in a room and come up with ideas. I'm independently inventing multibillion pound concepts. Surely one day it'll be something we don't yet have. Underwear for dolphins! An app for sausage rolls! A religion based exclusively on gluttony and masturbation but it actually allows you to transubstantiate. Telepathic pets! Magic! Rocket-powered toilet roll! I know it's in me somewhere. Come on, money people - I am available!