One for all of you anxiety-heads out there. In the summer, I'd just finished my first really good group trail run and was chatting with some of the guys and feeling like I belonged with people for the first time in a while. One of them casually mentioned they were all going to watch England play rugby and did I want to go. I said of course, yes, not really thinking about it, or thinking it was a throwaway invite and they probably wouldn't be able to get tickets. Certainly not enough for everyone, so I could show my willingness to participate but without actually having to. Win/win.

The next day he messaged to say he'd got my ticket and I needed to give him £150 within the next 2 days.

Panic

So I borrowed the money to pay, because I reasoned that I can't say I want a ticket then immediately after he's bought one tell him I can't afford it. I then sidelined it as a problem for another day, subconsciously hoping for global obliteration. Then my whole family books a weekend away. I can't go because of this bloody ticket. But that's fine. Means they can all go in one car and we all get a breather from each other (which frankly I need). Bit sad, but it's OK.

But I still have the issue of this ticket. I cannot afford it. I don't know anything about the current team or who's doing well or who's doing badly. I have no stories. I don't know what to wear. I need a haircut. What if I'm weird and they don't like me. Woooosaaaaah.

Normal chaotic anxiety thoughts that normally subside.

Then it occurs to me today (as I realise the inevitability of it and start to spiral a little) that one option available to me that I hadn't considered is that I could...... just go and have a good time? Is that something I'm allowed to do? Seems like that's for other people. How does one do that? Just travel somewhere with a bunch of well-meaning strangers, have a couple of beers and shout at some men on a field, along with a hundred thousand other people (I don't understand stadium capacities).

So I think I'm going to try and stop being a hurricane of neurotic overthinking and just go into the day with an open mind. It will be OK and I might - if I'm very lucky - even have a good day and a formative experience.

I share this stuff to get it out so it doesn't fester - I can't be the only person who feels like this?