I felt very empowered from my Dx. Years of being obviously different and being told I was depressed, I had anxiety, or at one point that I was bi polar. Years of medication, then an ongoing exhaustive battery of tests delving into every corner of my life. Interviews with my loved ones, physical observed tests. Much of which I found deeply unpleasant. Told throughout that there was a strong possibility that the final overall assessment would likely come back as inconclusive, which would be the same as a non-Dx.

AuDHD both came back in top ranges, and I was told beyond any shadow of doubt that I meet the medical criteria for both conditions. The relief, as I'm sure you've heard from others, was overwhelming. I'm not just a broken boy, wired up wrong and with no place in the world.

I then go through a period of imposter syndrome. Loved ones I trust who 'don't believe in all that'. Jokes from friends that sting. But it slowly settles as background and I become more comfortable with that part of my identity. Still not 100%, but allowing me to refer to it when I feel 'other'.

Then the national news. I've made it up. I'm clearly pretending to get benefits paid for by hardworking normal people. I'm workshy. The national debate rumbles on and I'm suddenly a baddie. There's a sense that I've done something wrong. That I'm stupid and lazy. Naive. I'm probably just depressed which isn't a real excuse for anything and I should just pull myself together. I'm weak. Contemptible.

I'm one person. But assume this is how most people have been made to feel about finally being accepted. It's made me really sad and honestly I'm trying to remain bouyant and keep my sense of humour, but it's demeaning and humiliating. And all from a health secretary who's actually trying to play the system and receives massive financial backhanders from lobbyists to speak on issues he doesn't otherwise care about. He's the one who's playing the system. Not the millions of vulnerable people with legitimate diagnoses.

I feel like I've been stripped of the power that diagnosis gave me. And once again wonder if I'm not just broken. Maybe they're right. Maybe I just don't fit. Maybe I don't deserve a reason.