Subject: [Action Required] Important AWS Account Notice

As previously communicated on 2025-09-30 in an email we sent at 23:45 UTC while you were on annual leave, AWS will be sunsetting all Amazon ElasticJizzWailer (EJW) nodes, starting yesterday. Please migrate your workloads to Amazon CloudFunk™, which is conceptually and morally incompatible with the legacy YAML-based EJW configuration language.

Please use the CloudFunk Pricing Confabulator[1] briefly and unsuccessfully, then hit the button and hope that your budget alerts catch anything egregious. Please also stare hopelessly at the Required IAM Roles[2] documentation before granting wildly over-broad permissions in the hope that the API calls start working.