Developing Empathy: A Biopsychosocial Approach to Understanding Compassion for Therapists and Parents by Katharina Manassis, 2017

Empathy is valued across cultures, and has a profound impact on psychotherapy, our children, and our world. Why then are many human relationships not empathetic? This volume describes in detail the neurobiological, psychological, and social elements involved with empathy.




 Ideas are brought to life with case examples and reflective questions which help the reader learn ways to overcome empathetic barriers. The book shows how fear, anger, and anxiety all take away the power to feel for others, while also looking at the topic through a global lens. Developing Empathy is an easy-read book, backed by science, useful to the clinician, and to all readers interested in the topic.

Developing empathy

Treat your colleagues like the complex human beings they are, rather than a means of achieving your goals.

Never be afraid to say you’re sorry.

Remember that you are a “child of the
universe”, and so are all that you meet. Learn to accept help. Honor each person as a “thou”.

Regard with interest, humility, and deep respect all persons you encounter, whether daily or only once in a lifetime. Strive to understand them to whatever extent you are able.

Give people the benefit of the doubt: look for the best in each person.
  Remember your role models, mentors, and all people who made you
feel valued more; remember your tormentors less.
  Be particularly careful when dealing with people who remind you of
negative people/experiences in the past; take a few slow, deep, calming 
breaths before responding to them.
  If attitudes among your friends or within your family, place of work, 
community, or culture have a negative effect on your capacity for 
empathy, consider challenging them (at least in your own mind); con-
versely, see each of these settings as an arena of life where you can show 
greater empathy.
  Nurture self-compassion, especially when it comes to your physical 
health; find a daily time and a favorite method to calm your fight or 
flight response.
  Observe how those with disabilities contribute to your life and to the
lives of others around them.
  Review the components of empathy shown in Figure 1.1; focus on
developing the one that is most challenging for you.
  If needed, obtain help to better regulate angry, anxious, or depressive
feelings; then model these coping strategies for your children.
  Cultivate an empathetic understanding of the other person in your clo-
sest relationships; emphasize what you share with them in the present; 
let go of past hurts if possible.
  See every encounter with a stranger as an opportunity for empathy;
resist the temptation to use rude gestures in traffic.
 Focus more on the aspects of your spiritual tradition or cultural ethos 
that enhance empathy and mutual respect than those that promote 
intolerance and competition.
  If you are a therapist, consider the ways you can both show empathy
and foster it with your patients.
  If you are a parent, consider the ways you can both show empathy and
foster it with your children.
  If you are a leader, consider the ways you can both show empathy and
foster it with those you are leading.
  Expand your capacity for empathy to include non-human life and the
planet.

For those who dislike dry lists, the following captures some of these ideas 
in a more poetic way:

Cultivate a calm frame of mind, and pay attention to what happens on 
the sidelines of life. Most meaningful interactions happen while you’re 
making other plans. Look for opportunities for random kindness. Allow 
for friendships outside your main social group. You may be surprised 
by the shared humanity you find, or the new insights. Model and show 
empathy to your children. The lives they live are our only guarantee of 
immortality, their discoveries allow us to relive our youth, and they 
are a delight to be cherished. See your adversaries as wounded 
children, for all have a kernel of goodness within, no matter how 
deeply buried. Emulate those who unify and heal. Whenever you can, 
replace fear with hope, take care of yourself compassionately, and seek 
ways to transcend the past.
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