Judge: "Christine, for your previous crimes against cooking, you were put on a probationary period in which you would be monitored for any future infractions against food"

Me: "I haven't done any more crimes. I haven't done any"

Judge: "It says here that you used half a jar of pickled beets *and their juice* along with dijon mustard and miso to establish a broth for cabbage soup"

Me: "I don't understand, what's the problem"

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