All of the "debate" about trans people assumes, at some level that we're making it up. Maybe we're not making up the dysphoria but we're making up our identities, right? You can't just identify as something, can you? I mean, you were an X and then you decided to be a Y, right?

No. We're not making it up and that's not the way any of this works. And the moment you really, truly accept that trans identities are real and that we're not making it up, suddenly you come face to face with the horror of what transphobia does to people.

All the trans kids in US red states or in the UK? Yeah, they're fucked. Kids are being forced to go through the wrong puberty against their will, leaving them with lifelong trauma. Young girls are being forced to go through male puberty, cracking their voices and covering every inch of their body in hair. Young boys are being forced to grow boobs and be oggled by men for a body they hate. And all this is because a handful of adults, who don't even know a trans kid, much less are their parents have decided that they know better and that being forced through that horror show is somehow good for them.

Adults, meanwhile, are losing jobs, homes, and families. They're finding themselves out of work with families to feed. Every trans adult I know with kids is terrified someone will use their transness to get their kids taken away. Government officials all over the US are debating, trying to figure out how to make our very existence illegal. Every time I fly, I have to pay attention to connections to be sure I can legally pee between flights. Even in supposedly supportive workplaces, calling someone on their transphobia or speaking up for yourself gets you quickly labeled a troublemaker or "dramatic" and the hurt feelings of the transphobe are often more important than your emotional safety. It's a hellscape out there and it's only getting worse.

It's easier for most cis people to just put their heads in the sand and join the debate than look that reality in the face.

But trans people don't have the luxury of debate. I'm a woman. I always have been. It's not my fault that a decent chunk of the US population thinks I'm a guy and wants to force me to live as one. That's ridiculous. Why should I debate those people when they take as an axiom that I am something I'm not? Fuck that shit! But I am forced to live with the consequence of those people's bad decisions because those people vote and make laws and rule bureaucracies based on their (often intentional) misunderstanding.

Don't get me wrong. I get that people are confused. Gender transition is legitimately a little weird and, especially if someone close to you transitions, it can take a little getting used to. I get that people have questions. I'm generally happy to answer questions, even if they're not quite the right question. I actually love those conversations when they come from a place of curiosity and a desire to learn. But I'm not going to debate my existence.