@catsaladCat 🐈🥗 (D.Burch) ⁠ I Am the Very Model of a Modern Cyber Specialist

I am the very model of a modern cyber specialist,
My posture is proactive and my mindset synergist,
I leverage blockchain paradigms resilient and immutable,
For threats that are, in practice, mostly quite disputable.

I’m zero-trust by principle, by strategy, by ritual,
Though flat networks persist beneath my slide deck quite habitual;
I champion quantum readiness, cryptography transitionable,
While SSH keys on our servers stay embarrassingly guessable.

I speak of AI governance, of ethics and alignment,
Of digital transformation in a cloud-first re-assignment;
I orchestrate compliance in a framework interoperable,
Yet patching legacy systems is declared economically implausible.

I circulate an SBOM with enthusiasm evangelical,
Though half the stack was compiled by interns quite mechanical;
I threat-model via workshops with sticky notes galactical,
But tracing actual packet loss I find impractical.

I quantify cyber maturity in gradients holographic,
With heatmaps operationally impressive and chromatic;
I benchmark risk velocity in dashboards most aesthetical,
While incident response remains distinctly hypothetical.

In short, in blockchain-quantum-zero-trust evangelistical,
In AI-driven thought leadership aggressively statistical,
In buzzword transformation visionary and fantastical,
I am the very model of a cyber strategist theatrical.

But when the logs erupt at 3 a.m. with evidence electrical,
I forward them to someone slightly more technical.