We (Microslug), together with our intimate circle of 940 critically important partners (because who doesn’t need nearly a thousand companies involved in their email?) proudly process your data so we can: stash information on your device, “enhance” products in ways you’ll never notice, tailor ads with unsettling accuracy, measure how many ads you didn’t click, extract audience insights worthy of a surveillance thesis, pinpoint your exact geolocation down to the square inch, and identify you via device scanning (don’t worry, that’s just modern life).

Some third parties may process your data based on their “legitimate interest,” a magical phrase that apparently grants unlimited powers if you squint hard enough. You may, hypothetically, exercise your right to consent or object whenever your courage permits by selecting Manage preferences or spelunking through Outlook settings (bring snacks).

By clicking Accept all, you enthusiastically agree to all of this the tracking, the profiling, the location grabbing, the “anonymized-but-not-really” data sharing, the endless cross-device fingerprinting digitally signing your digital soul over to 940 strangers.