"What do you fear most in the world?" "The Hater's...

“What do you fear most in the world?” “The Hater’s Paradox,” I replied. Understanding the Hater’s Paradox is simple: in order to truly, deeply hate something to its fullest extent, you must understand it to its fullest extent. Often delving deeper into it than the folks who actually love it. It is only with this level of extreme, in-depth research and study that you can infiltrate and destroy the critical centre of the object of hate. Naturally, my worry is that I will represent myself as a small-ball hater of something worthy of that hatred, but through immersion discover that it’s actually kind of okay. Then I’d have to go back to my friends and explain to them that I fucked up, and that they shouldn’t be haters of that thing. In politics, this is called “flip-flopping,” and it destroys an individual’s reputation forever. In my friend group, it means that I would be teased for a week or two until they got distracted by a shiny thing. That old Buddhist monk that I saved from a group of ninjas down at the bus stop said something about that too. He said that on their deathbed, everyone thinks that every videogame system is just as good as any other. At the time, I thought that was a pretty weird thing to say, because whatever PlayStation they were on cost way too much money, but later I realized he was right. You could get it for like fifty bucks once they stopped making games for it. I walked out of that court-ordered therapy session with a better understanding of hate. Perhaps the coolest thing to do was neither to hate, nor to love, things based on groupthink. You could be an individual. A powerful, unique, beautiful soul that doesn’t spend its entire time on this earth trying to figure out why Ford can’t make a headlight switch that works. I mean, those rat bastards clearly didn’t even spend an afternoon thinking about it.

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