Years ago, I was at my grandmother's when she got a cold call from somebody selling investments. When the call came in, she muted her soap opera and answered on her land-line speaker phone (ask your parents, kids). The guy lit right into his sales pitch. At his first pause for breath, my grandmother said, "Listen, if I had any money I'd use it to hire somebody to shut you up." She punched the hang-up button and went back to watching her soap opera.

I will never be that cool.