So you wake up suddenly bonded to an immortal and mostly sentient shrimp. It's about the size of a ballet slipper and has the cognitive capabilities of a really clever parrot, and is mostly capable of taking care of itself, consuming lint, things off the floor and anything you give it. It understands speech up to a point, recovers from horrific injuries without issue and is pretty friendly... The only real issue is that the government absolutely cannot know about the shrimp.

How do you feel?

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