I wonder very often, whenever I am any good at computers, and I should actually be proud of any of the stuff that I do, or not
I try to infodump about something that I know about, entities ask me very obvious questions, and I realize I actually know nothing about it
Just how does GEN12 handle control flow after vectorization? How do SIMT ISAs like RDNA3 or NV170 handle it? Why do I not know this? My friends are praising me for doing GPU drivers, but I don't even know something as basic as this...
Am I accidentally lying to them and making them believe that I'm better than I actually am? I might be wrong about some of the stuff I said, I might be too confident in being able to do stuff that I cannot actually do...
I'm genuinely just, fake, and deceiving my friends into thinking I'm better than I actually am, no matter how hard I try not to. I try my best to describe what I can do in a way that they don't misunderstand but... I fail, and they think I'm good because I end up being misleading by having many trivial prototypes that do nothing impressive.
Like, I say "I wrote an http server in assembly with no libraries!" but used to forget to add the pretty important part that it doesn't parse the request, can only handle one request at a time, and has a hardcoded inline response. Not much of an HTTP server, is it... It's literally just a few syscalls and one small loop. The most trivial thing imaginable, the kinda thing anyone and their cat can do, the thing I should beat myself up for not doing way earlier, when I was like 12
Yesterday, I misremembered how Java multiple dispatch works. I was supposed to know it correctly. I knew the JVM ignores the Signature attribute on the Code attribute, and only cares about the method descriptor, which does not include any generics info, as generics are a Java thing, not a JVM thing. So I was confused why I was remembering that you can MD List<Integer> and List<String> while knowing there is no way to represent that in a class file (unless you do name mangling and generate a hidden dispatcher method and... Stuff Java doesn't do. I think. Unless they added that...)
I still feel stupid about it. I'm supposed to be good at Java... I do it for over 8 years... I actually have (had?) some confidence in it...
I don't even know how the damn GCs work, or the internals of the JIT. Stuff I should know but don't because I am too scared to look into it.
I'm getting my ass beaten by IETF RFC 1951 just because I lack some basic knowledge about compression algos, and feel completely and utterly useless when someone trivially understands the whole thing in a few hours while I'm failing for years.
I'm stupid. And a liar.