One of the hardest things about being an immigrant is I donโt know what to do with โrugged individualismโ.
I am considered one of the most โwesternizedโ and โindependentโ people in the society I come from (people think itโs too much.. moving to a whole other country? Too independent) but
Even I really struggle with some of the daily manifestations of hyper individualism that surrounds me.
A friend had just visited a developed Asian country and wondered why it wasnโt full of homeless people. I said well itโs probably that East Asian homelessness looks different, but thereโs probably an element of.. you donโt want to be the person who people say let your second cousin die and starve on the streets. The social shame, I tried to explain. Also, if itโs a warm or religious place, they have food.
I felt it was very similar to what I saw my parents grasping with when they visited me. On BART, kids were making loud sounds. My parents glared at them. Nothing happened. They were confused. I had to explain to them that.. there is just no social shame. Glaring at them doesnโt mean anything, they just think youโre weirdos. It isnโt anyoneโs business that theyโre making loud sounds.
So while I think there are pros to some community consciousness, I also think the people who want to sell a vision of โcollectivist societies are betterโ are also failing to account for the patriarchal bs that comes with it. We take care of our elderly because we are shamed by it, but it is largely the mothers and grandmothers doing the work.
But what Iโll never, ever get used to is this: the idea that in some places, poor people, sick people, elderly people, deserve to be cast aside and deserve no help. Thatโs a level of cruelty I do not wish to understand.